I'm PREGNANT!

I'm going to go buy a test so I can see it for my self! Sat. will be my second beta but I feel good for now!

The dr. office left me two messages!! Why two?? I can't decide if thats good or bad but I have 10 min. until I can leave and about 40 min. until I'm home to listen to them!!! Its killing me!

and today it is

My beta is today and I held out on testing at home. I really don't have a feeling either way....I have some "symptoms" which could either be in my head or a side effect of something I'm taking. I don't have any bad signs either, no major cramping, no spotting, etc. So I will find out at 4:30 today when I get home from work and listen to the message with dh. 9 more hours of hope!

one would think

that since I've been out of work and on bed rest I might have some time to recap the ER or ET or anything in between. I guess I just don't know what to say. I started to over stimulate so my dr. put me on bed rest. The first 3 days I felt so terrible I didn't care or want to do anything. The next day was my transfer, I was pretty sore after that. My ovaries are 10 cm and should be 3. She was very concerned and almost canceled my transfer. With only 4 embryos I was just too afraid to not transfer anything. So we settled on one. She said I was too high risk for OHSS to risk putting 2 back in and ending up with twins. I went back in this morning and one ovary is 8 cm and the other is 10. So, more bed rest! I'm drinking my smart water and taking doxtinx (sp? and I'm not getting up to look at the bottle). I'm feeling better but I can't take any risks. I really want this pregnancy to take, more than anything. And it doesn't help that only one of our embryos made it to freeze :( I'm really lucky that I have an understanding boss!

So, maybe later tonight or tomorrow I will recap the ER or ET and the silly and dumb stuff my husband has been doing, including tell the RE right before I was taken in to the ER about his head aches, like she was going to do something for him!

a year in review

12 Refills of prenatal vitamins
11 Shots of Lupron
10 BFN's
9 Eggs retrieved
8 More prescriptions
7 days of stims
6 sonograms
5 Mood Swings!
4 Crying Spells
3 days in bed
2 embryos
and a trigger shot in me

ET

at 11:30 tomorrow! We have 3 maybe 4 very good embryos!

4

only 4 fertilized. I am very worried that they won't make it to the day 3 transfer! I am trying to remain positive, this is 4 more fertilized eggs then we have ever had!

9 eggs

9 good eggs, waiting for the call today to see how many fertilized. Resting in bed drinking lots of gatorade!

one day left

ER is tomorrow am at 6:30am, which is perfect so we don't have to worry about rush hour traffic and I should be home by 10am! Heading to brunch with friend this am then I am sitting on my ass the rest of the day.

heading for b/w and last sono

b/c I am going to trigger tonight! Yesterday they taught dh how to give me a shot in the backside, today I'm buying him an orange to practise on. He makes me nervous!

Must get going but I will have to update on my mood swings and dh's apparent death wish.

good morning!

You know when you have too many dates with the vage cam when getting dressed you skip underwear b/c it will just save time at your appointment. or maybe you just haven't done laundry to have any clean ones. None the less I am off work today so I'm not sitting in my office commando and I will do some laundry at some point today.

The follies are all looking good, retrieval looking like Sunday or Monday!

watch out michelle dugger...

b/c I have 18+ follies!

stims tomorrow am are cut in half, waiting on b/w, going back tomorrow am.

better today, I think

Turns out my E2 levels were at 660 yesterday, too high for this early in the game. That prob. explains why I have felt so terrible the last few days. So my dr. uped the Lupron back to 10 units. So far this am I am feeling a bit better, then again I'm sure I'll get to work and want to come home! I have no choice today though as I have to work on my year end check list. Boooh. Too bad I used up sick days through out the year when AF would show up. I have 4.5 days left which I am saving for my **knock on wood** retrieval and transfer next week or so. And as silly as it sounds I don't want to use my vaca time that will carry over so I can **knock on wood** use it for m. leave next year. ok, time for my follistim shot!

:)

I have lots of follies measuring right on track around 10mm! Just waiting for b/w to come back but the nurse we really pleased this am. I like to celebrate each little step:)

Its cold outside!

and I need to head to my first follie check. I have the day off so at this time I'm just delaying going out in the cold. 4 days of stims down and I do "feel" something so I really hoping there is something to see this morning.

Friday's night holiday party was good, couldn't eat a thing! This is some diet let me tell you! Sat. I went for acupuncture, met a friend for lunch (I only ate mashed potatoes), got my hair cut and then headed to dh's company party. EVERYTHING served at dinner made me gage, esp. the crab soup. So sad b/c I love crab soup! And of course the guy sitting next to me too forever to eat his so I had to smell it and gage for a half hour. I did manage to not get quested for my lack of drinking...ginger ale and a cherry worked just fine for me. But then again the co-workers dh talks to the most are single/just dating girls and don't tune into such nonsense as other people I know.

So to drink or not to drink while cycling- Well my poor stomach made that decision for me. Between the terrible heart burn and now this I have ZERO desire to want a drink of anything. But I read questions from girls who ask if they can drink, how much, etc. Then you see someone respond to them who says "I drank during all three of my ivf cycles" Really??? I just seem to think mixing alcohol with all those meds can't be good! Maybe a glass of wine with a meal here and there but social drinking? I know no one wants questions as to why they are not drinking but you shouldn't let what your friends think effect your decision in this, its just too big! All I can say is I want a BABY more than a drink. I rather deal with questions as to why I'm not drinking than risk mixing alcohol with those meds. And how does anyone really know what effect alcohol has on your body's response to the meds? Everyone is different and every cycle is different, so you I don't think you can say- I didn't drink with ivf #1 and I drank with ivf#2 and both were bfn so alcohol didn't effect the out come. Sorry if this offends anyone and please don't think I'm a prude who never drank! Once upon a time I was a big time party girl...how do you think I met my husband? ok, off my soap box now:)

2 days of stims

and counting...

I was also just put on metformin which I am blaming for the horrible condition my poor stomach is in. I've lost 2 lbs in 2 days, so hopefully today will be better! Though I have zero desire to eat anything right now. Tonight's holiday party should be real fun!

I did reach out to my SIL with a congrats email. That just turned to a reply about how they saw the babies heart beat for the first time and how magical that was. Then I spent the next hour crying. Next time I'll let Hallmark say it for me!

10 shots down...

and I am good to start stims tomorrow!

The week has been ups and downs as usual. My competitive SIL as DH to go to lunch with her last Wed, the day before thanksgiving b/c she was off work. Of course I knew what was up. She is 11 weeks. After her announcement, DH says he congratulated her, asked when the baby was due and all that good stuff, and then he wanted to craw under the table. He knew what was up too b4 he went to lunch but didn't think it would bother him so much. Welcome to my world!

This is what makes me upset- I know she could tell something was bothering him (um, she has known him for the past 30 years and it quite clear when he is uncomfortable) so she asks him "when we will give her nieces or nephews?" Totally putting him on the spot! (Background to this- her and I had previous conversations about how it is so rude to ask and or joke about when someone is going to get pregnant b/c you never know what is going on behind closed doors. Her bff was desperately trying, no one knew, and their friends would always make comments to her about getting pregnant. ) So WTF??

1st- if I was pregnant (which is what she thought) let us tell you when we want to tell you!
2nd- it really came across as, let me see if you are planning an announcement on top of mine at thanksgiving tomorrow.
3rd- if DH didn't share news after you did, take a effing hint!
4th- it really seems like she planned to ask him questions going to lunch w/o her husband or me.

So what does DH do...he blurts out we are trying and can't get pregnant with out IVF right now!

Let's just say the rest of lunch was pretty uncomfortable. He explained that things were off on both our ends, that we have been seeing specialist and are going through the process now. He also told her how extremely difficult this has been on me and there are to be ZERO questions or comments, even well meaning, made to me on this topic. She felt terrible for asking (effing serves her right!) and swears she will not be telling anyone. Though I'm not holding my breath.

I was pretty angry at DH for telling her, but I think he has finally reached his bolling point with our situation. We had a pretty big fight wed. night and by Thursday am it was all good. However we decided to just see my family on thanksgiving and when to the movies instead. I recommend seeing the Blindside. Neither of us could sit through her announcements.

Now, its been a week and I still have not be able to bring myself to congratulate her. I can't call b/c I'll cry, I cry thinking about it (did I mention the 10 shots?). I was thinking an email or a card. Prob. a card b/c an email will get a reply back and rather not talk about it.